20 something Texas native. Music fuels my life. Books feed my soul. Mormocrat and proud. You can't call everyone a Child of God and then condemn them.... but that's just my personal opinion.
Seriously, the last two guys I have dated, as more than just something casual, have gotten engaged to the very next girl they dated!!!!
I really don’t know if I should take this as a compliment, insult, or sigh of relief.
The “its a compliment” side - I like to take the super arrogant “I’m this super awesome badA” approach. Basically I like to think that I HELPED show them what it feels like to be a respectable and upstanding gentleman… but then they probably wouldn’t have lied and cheated if that were the case now would it?…
The “its an insult” side - this is the part of me that is very self-doubting and to be honest has some self-esteem issues, but if you were a 24 year old college graduate/certified teacher living at your parents house with only a part-time retail job to show for it… you would probably have some self-esteem issues too..(that’s a rant for another time I guess though). This approach is simple, you weren’t good enough. You didn’t do all you should have and pushed them away. Satan REALLY likes this thought and generally likes to use it on me like I don’t know, DAILY… I find myself looking at “10 things your man loves but wont tell you” articles and “why he cheats” blog postings to see WHAT THE HECK I DID/DIDN’T DO THAT PUSHED THEM AWAY BECAUSE IT WAS SO OBVIOUSLY MY FAULT… I mean everyone talks about all the ex’s Taylor Swift has had and says she should stop writing songs about how its all THEIR fault and look internally… why shouldn’t that apply to me too… And I mean I could swear there were times in those relationships where I felt like I was being crazy like batsh*t crazy - manipulaters seem to like it when you feel that way though. I don’t know, the jury is still out on “its an insult”.
The “its a sigh of relief” side - I remember both incredibly awkward talks I had with my parents after each break up. After relating some well chosen parts of each relationship to tell my parents (after all I think we would have 2 dead boys on our hands if they knew the full stories of both and I need my parents not clad in orange and behind bars thanks). Each specifically told me “well you dodged a bullet there!” I know this is meant to make me feel better and also show that they care for me and know I am better than that, but really I was in love with these boys. I’m one of those girls that day dreamed about her wedding since she was 12, so lets be honest, I day dreamed about my respective future with both boys… I truly believed these guys were good men. Good men that cared about me, and I cared about them. I may have joked about getting revenge(and maybe when I was super angry at times really wanted it) but I still loved them, even after all hell broke loose. And sometimes even more so after I realized how much I learned about myself because of the break-ups that I would never know otherwise. I like the “its a relief approach” better than the other two… but maybe JUST maybe it can somehow be a combo of all three, even if “its an insult” is not such a good option.